My angels up above

Dedicated to my grandmother Anne and great grandmother Pearl.. l love you guys so much.

I can’t tell you how much I wish that you were both here

There are times I just want to hold on tight to you

And just know that you are here.

I want to know you are proud of me

And can see what I am doing

But most of all I want to know you are close by

I would give anything to know you Nanny Annie

You were taken before I had a chance

A newborn baby I was

Its hard hearing stories of who you were

And I have seen photos of you

But nothing can compare

To seeing you in front of me

Some days I just think it is just not fair

They got to know you but I didn’t get that chance

I don’t know the sound of your voice or laugh

I do know I was your last photograph.

People are always saying

That we look a lot alike

My great Pearl of wisdom

My great grandmother I loved

I miss you everyday

It still makes me cry when I think of you

And I can’t see you.

I still remember the fun times

I still know your face

I cannot forget you,

You are written in my soul

I miss our deep connection

Those moments I made you lucid

And you understood what was going on

And knew who was with you

The day we lost you

I lost a part of my heart that can never be replaced

My heart has been broken and been mended

But there is part of the jigsaw

Nowhere to be found.

You replaced that void that was taken

When we lost our dear Annie

I fear no one can replace

The void you have left behind

I hope you both are guiding me

To where I am meant to be

I hope you both will be at my wedding

Or the birth of any child of mine

If I actually get that chance

I want to feel you there.

What I would do to have you

Both back here with me

But knowing I have two angels

Looking down at me

Gives me some relief

When people ask me

Who would you like to have at your dinner party

Dead or alive?

I always answer

My grandmother and great grandmother

It would be my greatest wish

I love you now and forever

These feelings will never change

Please guide me to where I am meant to be

This is no goodbye

But a, I will see you again someday

But really you have never left me

You are always in my heart.               

 

Living with a Disability

There is nothing wrong with having a disability, I know because I have one. I have arthritis all over my body, I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and I am not ashamed of it. It is what it is, I can’t do anything about it, so why stress and worry about it?

Yes it gets hard really hard but it is my life and instead of getting depressed and letting it get the best of me I just get on with things the best I can and some days are a lot harder than other days. I am determined to not let it get the best of me.

You will find that we are all a lot stronger than you think we are. These conditions bring out the best and worst in people, but you will always find that they will work so hard to get some normal into their life and fight with every part of them.

I know some people look at you and feel sorry for you. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me I just want them to understand what it is like to be in this situation where you don’t have control of your own body, the pain that can’t be stopped by pain killers or medication.

There are so many of us around the world, and we need to be listened to, shown respect, understood and not treated differently. We are everyday people who just happened to have special needs and need help with things. We can’t always find work or we are not allowed to work for different reasons. We all have different levels of our disease and problems, some you can see and some you can never see unless we are having a bad relapse or a bad day.

Not every disability is noticeable for example MS, Cystic fibrosis, arthritis, Ehlers–Danlos syndrome EDS (known as Zebra disease), people with pacemakers or heart problems, Alzheimer’s disease, epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease and many many more. People don’t have to have a wheelchair, crutches or conditions like Down syndrome.

People need to start noticing those who are invisible and not think that if they are just parking in the disability parks to just get a closer carpark. With any one of those I mentioned you can have a great day were walking and getting around is a lot easier and there are days were we can barely walk, get around or even get out of bed. We all have our good and bad days ours are more noticeable. Yes there are some people who do that but I can assure you majority of them are in need to use them, you just can’t see it. I urge you all to stop and think about it when you decided to write a horrible note accusing them of doing the wrong thing. You never know any persons circumstance by second guessing and appearance alone.

Those who do not want to work and fake illnesses and just don’t want to look for work make it harder for us that need to get disability. It’s not fair on us, we would much prefer to be looking for work and out there doing things that everyday people do, we can to an extent but we would much prefer to have our bodies functioning like everyone else. Please stop making it hard for us who genuinely need the help and assistance.

I don’t think anyone can understand what it is actually like inside the body of someone who has a disease that is incurable, autoimmune, that you have no control over unless you have it. Our pain is unbearable at times, you can succumb to any infection, flu, cold and take months or weeks to overcome something that should be a week – five day thing.

My own experiences are losing grip of objects and dropping things, stiff all over, hip and back going out or into a spasm that can paralyze me from my hip down on one side or in cold water It can paralyze me on both legs from the pelvic area. Loss of concentration, weak, lack of sleep or constantly sleeping and tired. Even just doing simple house chores are hard to do, making my bed is hard and my back starts hurting very quickly when trying to clean my room and make my bed.  What should be simple tasks for everyone is not so easy for me or a lot of other people.

I personally take at least a month to overcome any cold or flu and a simple stomach bug can pull all my muscles and make it near impossible to stand up longer than a few minutes, I will not go into full detail but it does make having a stomach bug incredibly hard to deal with. Even showering I end up laying on the bottom of it because it’s hard to even stand up and shower.

I have one person that can massage me as I need it gentle I can’t go to anyone to get a massage. I am not allowed to see a chiropractor, physiotherapy doesn’t really work and I have even tried Bowen therapy that actually made my back go into spasm and I struggled to walk or straighten my back.

Please understand this next time you come across someone with a disability and give them a chance. Even if you know someone with a condition try and understand the condition and know how hard it is for them to function and live a normal life like you do.

I have to thank my parents for being so supportive, I know they don’t always understand my condition or what I am feeling at that time but they do give me some extra support and they are there for me when things get really bad and need some help. You always need a good support system that you can get help from. If you do need help don’t be afraid to ask for it. I am incredibly grateful to my parents I don’t know how I would be if I didn’t have you guys helping me and looking out for me. Thank you.

A Ladies Curse

The trouble with being a woman these days is the constant scrutiny we are under for what we wear, how we act, what we eat, our weight, anything and everything people can think of.

Especially if you work in the media or entertainment industry when they focus heavily on these subjects.

We are not meant to be the same as everyone, we don’t have the same body shapes and we are not the same size.

People think that we should all be these skinny ladies with small bodies like you see in the magazines and posters but the fact is we aren’t.

Ladies let me tell you something even the models don’t look like that!!! They are photo shopped and made to look like they are perfect. The real truth is you are perfect just the way you are.

We are teaching future generations that you have to be this, when we should really be ourselves, and love the body we are in.

It has taken me a long time to be happy in my own skin and with who I am. I was made to feel like I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t beautiful. I see now how incredibly wrong this is.

I am beautiful and ladies so are you. Doesn’t matter the size, skin colour, nationality or anything else, you are all incredibly gorgeous and amazing people and we should all be treated accordingly.

We shouldn’t be spreading hate to each other and calling each other names we should be empowering each other and being nice. Guys see this and think its ok for them to treat us like this because they see us doing it to each other and it’s not right.

Beauty is not just what’s on the outside it’s a number of things like what you are on the inside, your personality, your heart and soul, your smile, the eyes, so many things that make you beautiful and who you are.

Don’t let people ever make you question this.

My plea to the world media is... please don’t make ladies feel ashamed and talk about their weight, what they are wearing. Stop the negativity and bullying these women are gorgeous and deserve to be treated with more respect.

A lot of them are actually healthy and work out on a daily basis they just don’t like the small size ladies people expect and want them to look like.

How about these clothing lines make work out wear that all women can wear and not just go up to a certain size. In actual fact we do work out and want to work out (well a number of us) but we get laughed at or stared out because we are doing it and made to feel like crap because everyone is judging and laughing.

What you should really be doing is encouraging and supporting them.

I am not a size 10 and my body shape would never allow me to be that because it wouldn’t look right and I would look unhealthy. But I do eat healthy and work out when I can.

I’ve never been thin but when I work out I get addicted and I love the taste I get on the tip of my tongue, how my lungs feel and I love it and I feel good doing it and afterwards.

I have limitations with having incurable diseases that make it hard but I still try. In fact the past six months I’ve gone down two sizes and lost about 30kgs and I feel good and I am happy about it.

And yet I still get that constant reminder from people and looks that say I am nowhere near perfect. Which is not fair. I am trying my best and yes I am beautiful, no matter how you make me feel or what you say.

I will also remind you NO ONE is perfect. So stop making us feel like we have to be because it’s not possible and we are perfectly fine just the way we are.

Our True Heroes

The definition of a hero is a person noted for courageous acts or nobility of character. But who are our true heroes?

They are not those athletes we idolise and watch, cheer and celebrate and take every step and move with them. Our true heroes are those emergency services, military, vets, nurses, and our doctors. They are the ones that are on the front line and defending our lives every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year. They are the ones trying to heal us and our loved ones including our pets.

My dad was a volunteer firefighter for over 17 years when we moved to Brisbane from Tasmania he retired from the service. I still know fireman working all around Tasmania and I know fireman in Brisbane as well. 

I personally know the sacrifices they make and how much work and dedication goes into doing the job. I also know firsthand the sacrifices that their family and friends make. The fear and the thought in the back of your mind ...  what if they don’t come home and what if something happens to them. These people are constantly on the front line, they go where you fear to be and or don’t want to be, they are the first responders. They see, hear and experience things that no one should. When you all leave your homes in a fire they are the ones that risk their own life and go in and try and save the homes, your possessions, your loved ones and your pets. 

Yes these people make the ultimate sacrifice... their own life. They put it on the line all the time, and yet they are treated with so much disrespect and harshness. They don’t get bravery awards and the gratitude and respect that they actually deserve and I for one am incredibly thankful and grateful for all that they do. THANK YOU.

Some may think that calling nurses, doctors and vets heroes is not right, said but I strongly disagree. Put it this way they are the ones that are in the surgeries trying to save lives and repair things that have been broken, smashed, pulled, have bullets and all kinds of things. They are working on our loved ones and trying to bring them back to us. Even if they are our pets some of them can be dangerous and you never know what an animal is going to do, is capable of doing in any one bit of time. 

Not only that but you see in the news so many times where our nurses and ambulance drivers are being attacked by people who are angry, under the influence, out of control of their own bodies. At the end of the day these people are just doing their job and they shouldn’t have to worry about being attacked or looking out for someone who is going to hurt them or anyone they are working with. 

A lot of our emergency services are made up from volunteers like our lifeguards. 

Let me put it this way, these people are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, uncles, aunties, cousins and grandparents trying to make a difference in this world. They all have families at home waiting for them and the thing you should also remember these people could be one of your family. 

Don’t you wish they were all treated with decency and respect not abused, harassed, shot, killed or hurt? 

Yes I am aware that there are bad ones among them but I can guarantee that that is only a small number of them in the mix the rest are the good guys.

That Single Feeling

Why are you single? The commonly asked question that gets tossed around. It can be one of the most annoying questions to be asked. You see if I knew the answer I may not be single anymore I can’t tell you all the answers. 


I am not single by choice, but I also know I won’t settle for something or someone I don’t deserve. I deserve to be treated well and loved by someone for who I am and what I look like. Someone who will respect me and let me be who I am. 


I have kissed a lot of toads it’s time for me to meet my prince.


I used to be that person that wished for someone to make me happy and stop me from feeling all alone but now... I think if it happens, it happens, if not then,  I’m ok with that because I have finally got to that stage late in 2016 where I feel happy with just being me and I’m working on getting to the person I want to be.


I get that impression people look at me and feel sorry for me and want me to find someone. I don’t need that, it would be nice, don’t get me wrong but I don’t want to settle and I shouldn’t have to settle. 


When the time is right it will happen but I’m not going to wish on It, I'm just going to live my life and see what the future holds. 


People ask would you go on a dating show or Married at First Sight. I say NO! Here’s my thing, I’m a private person and see relationships between two people not the two people plus whoever is watching and commentating on it.


Married at First Sight is like a smack in the face for same sex marriage especially here in Australia where it’s illegal for them to get married and yet this show can go ahead. I also have a thing about marriage I think that it is sacred and should be treated as such. I know people cheat and I hate cheating, I don’t think it’s acceptable and I don’t want to be cheated on and/or be the person that’s with the cheater. 


If and when I get married I want it to be forever, I know things come up and it gets hard but you have to work on it. Sometimes divorce has to happen but I don’t want it to happen. 


Let’s talk the Bachelor/Bachelorette, I wouldn’t even be selected to go on the show even if I did try. They only have those model type ladies on the show and that is not me. I honestly think it should be open to all shapes and sizes. Let’s face it though people only want to see good looking people get together they don’t want to see a real size woman or a fat person try and find love or kiss. 

Even if they did I still wouldn’t go on the show or use dating sites. I have used them in the past and I’m not a big fan of them. I want to meet someone in person and get to know them that way. It’s just not for me and that’s ok.


It’s ok to be single and happy. When love happens it will happen until then I will wait.

Dont Judge me by my cover

You know that expression "don’t judge a book by a cover", well don’t judge me by mine.

I may not have the best looking exterior but it doesn’t define the person I am. It also doesn’t tell you the hidden struggles, what I have been through and my hidden features and talents.

You may have come into my life at a certain chapter but you haven’t seen or read my past chapters and you may never see my future chapters. I may be calm, cool and collected on the surface but what you don’t see is my legs kicking like crazy. You don't see the large rock holding me down that I am slowly trying to get rid of and stop my legs going crazy. 

You see even my cover can tell you a different story from what I am feeling on the inside or what I am going through. I can put a smile on my face and not feel happy.

I may not look like there is anything wrong with me and I have a perfect life but I can assure you I don’t, I do have it better than a lot of other people. You will not always see a disability on a person and we may have some good days but we have a lot of bad days and obstacles we have to go through daily.  Every day there are reminders things are not perfect but we have to make the best out of things.

I have Psoriatic Arthritis, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. There are days I feel 100% and then I get the reminder I can’t do everything I wanted to do. Not only that but my immune system has been taken down to where I can catch anything that is going around its those hidden things I have to think of when I am out and take precautions so I don’t get sick.  

Time and time again we see those people who attack someone who looks perfectly fine when they are using disability parking either by a note or confrontation. Don’t get me wrong I know that people use it and don’t have one and just think they are entitled to park wherever they want however, there are people who don’t have a visible disability that need to use it. Those with  heart problems, MS, Cystic Fibrosis, Arthritis and many more, you don’t need to be on crutches or in a wheelchair. 

I may not be a model / skinny person but I am passionate, polite, kind hearted, smart, beautiful, funny, talented, a writer, sweet natured kind of person. Yes I said beautiful because we all are, it doesn’t matter about your size, nationality, religion, height, skin type or colour. Believe me ladies you are all gorgeous don’t let anyone let you think differently.

I have been bullied all my life for not only the way I look but because I see the world a different way and that I am unique and it’s not easy to deal with but I took it and I am still the person I was from the start just a lot smarter, wiser and stronger than I was before.

We all deserve privacy

Why do we focus so heavily on the private lives of celebrities? I have always been told by my Mum, treat others the way you want to be treated and that's what I do.

If I see a celebrity out shopping or anything, I just let them be because they are entitled to do that and shouldn't have to worry about fans coming up all the time and getting selfies with them, as much as I would love to do that, I just don't feel that it is right and there is always a right place and time for things. I also would never do it if they had family with them, especially kids it's a no no. They work so hard and that's why they are in the position they are in now, so they hardly get time to spend with family and friends.


I have watched so many people just walk up to them and say can I have a selfie and just walk off and I think if I was that celebrity that would really bother me... come on, at least have a conversation with them. I just feel that it's really rude to do that.

If I was in the same situation as them I would want my privacy, my friends and family to be safe from the paparazzi and what not. If I had kids I would want them to have a childhood and not constantly on the radar of the gossip magazines. Even them criticizing the parents for their behavior it's completely wrong. Everyone raises their children their own way.

Until kids are at the age where they can make the decision themselves, then I think they should be left alone.

I actually feel sorry for celebrities. Am I the only one? So many people take their privacy for granted, I mean, how would you like it being constantly under a microscope?

Yes we love them and we want to know who they are and what they like and everything but there is a point to where it's an overkill and it's really no ones business but theirs.

Take Dr Chris Brown aka Bondi Vet / or CBS Dr Chris Pet Vet for example. He is always being talked about but not for the reasons he should be. It is always about, is he single, dating or who's the girl he is with.

As much as I love and admire Chris, he deserves to be happy. He also deserves more respect. A lot of women just see him as eye candy or a piece of meat because of the way he looks and that's no fair. Looks aren't everything and there are so many things people should be looking at or for than just that. Chris is a lot more than that. He has so many qualities that make him so amazing.

Chris is funny, incredibly smart and gifted, honest, family orientated, respectful, loving, talented and an incredible vet. He has this incredible smile that can light up a room, an amazingly beautiful soul, a goofball, supportive, sweet, charming, well mannered, passionate, hardworking, devoted, professional, admirable, entertaining, fun, focused and so much more.

Some people just think he is shallow and judgmental and would only date perfect looking model kind of women. But I don't think he is and if he was it would surprise me, mind you I think very highly of him and have him on a big pedestal.

The Project incident regarding Chris singing "I want to know what love is" to a bachelor contestant that left the show, the next day and even after it happened, it went crazy... is he single and all about him having a crack.

Firstly I say good on him for having a go. Secondly I don't know how she didn't know that song. Lastly if he is single then that's ok and if he is dating someone then that's ok as well.

Shouldn't you want them to be happy? So many times I have seen people say oh I hate this person because they are dating my future husband or wife and or just don't like them or talk rubbish about them because of it. Honestly people need to get over it and let them be happy.

Another thing, people are entitled to have their own opinions or views on subjects. Just because you don't agree on that one comment or something, doesn't mean that you should hate them because of it or disrespect them, message them with disgust or say you don't like them anymore. You are not always going to agree with everything and everyone, that's life.

I honestly have to question a lot of gossip columns and magazines and articles lately. First off not everything you read is true but some people think that it's written so it must be true. It's not!!

If someone is getting divorced, give them space. Don't create stories about cheating and stories that aren't true. Just let them get on with things and sort things out. They don't need the added stress.

Something that caught my eye the other day was an article on Sunrise co-host Samantha Armatage wearing big underwear. Correct me if I am wrong but what the hell?? I mean come on! Are you seriously going to go so low to write and publish that? Honestly, get a life.

It's disgusting and women are always getting targeted on either their weight, what they are wearing, what they are eating and everything else. Nothing is off limits to them.

Come on people get over it. We can be as big as we want, wear what we want. We shouldn't constantly be under a microscope. I really feel for these women.

It's not newsworthy. Stop the constant crap of bad journalism and focus on things that need to be told. Not the constant harassment and intrusion into their lives.

Paparazzi are another thing. I understand they have jobs to do but come on. You literally take things to the extreme and go well and beyond the privacy boundaries.

If I was in that situation it would really annoy me and no wonder they get so annoyed and angry.
You can't even pick a wedgie or your nose without being captured and it's not fair on them.