My mind Ponders

How do I know what the gods have in store for me?

Do I trust in the powers to be?

I have no idea what lies ahead and,

It scares me to know

What am I doing with my life?

Have I taken the wrong road

When I reached an intersection?

All I know is I seem to be lost

And I am trying to get back to a place that I know.

But if I’m trying to go back to this place

Is it like taking steps back?

Or moving forward?

I have learnt from my mistakes and those that others have made

But the question I have is will I make them again?

I know where I have come from and

I know where I have been

These experiences will help me

For the future to come.

The problem with this is

That I am still lost.

I can only go where my heart leads me

I can only be the person I am and want to be.

I am still me that’s all I can be.

The key to life is not having all the answers

But going with the flow.

Take my chances

And follow that beat of my heart

But never forget the brain

Is there really a thing called luck?

Or is life just a flip of the coin?

I can’t really tell

Or do I just take it by chance.

An open letter to the world

Ladies and Gentlemen of this world please lend me your time.

We as a world are in trouble, we need to start saving it for future generations before it is too late.

We all deserve to be treated as an equal no matter the skin colour, religion, if we are male or female, gay or straight, fat or skinny, tall or short. This shouldn’t matter because if we weren’t meant to be like this we wouldn’t have been created as we are.

We all bleed the same, grieve the same, laugh the same and breathe the same air so why can’t we all get along?

It is 2017 and yet we still don’t allow same sex marriage in a lot of countries including Australia, we still live with the type of skin colour and how they are treated, they deserve the same rights and should be treated the same by the police and in parts of the world that don’t care for these type of people. Not to mention the fact that women still don’t have equal rights all over the world, they are not allowed to have a voice or wear what they please due to the culture and beliefs. There are still issues about men getting paid more than women as well.

I am over the constant reminder that the world I knew is now going crazy. Terrorists keep trying to win but will never succeed. I do have to ask them, do you really think you will get rewarded for something so cowardly and hurtful that takes innocent lives? No god will ever rewards something so hateful and horrible.  

You see love will always win in the end so no matter what is done to us, we will always stand side by side and shower each other with love and support. So maybe it is time to rethink the attacks and join us spreading love.

Please look after this world we only have one, our animals are becoming extinct because we don’t look after our waterways, animal poaching and land clearing to make way for more homes.  People litter rubbish that pollutes our waterways.

We need to do better as a whole. This world is only on rent to us until our time comes to and end and we need to leave it in a better place for our future generations.

The world is crying right now please help save her and make her smile.

Yours truly,

A concerned member of the world.

My angels up above

Dedicated to my grandmother Anne and great grandmother Pearl.. l love you guys so much.

I can’t tell you how much I wish that you were both here

There are times I just want to hold on tight to you

And just know that you are here.

I want to know you are proud of me

And can see what I am doing

But most of all I want to know you are close by

I would give anything to know you Nanny Annie

You were taken before I had a chance

A newborn baby I was

Its hard hearing stories of who you were

And I have seen photos of you

But nothing can compare

To seeing you in front of me

Some days I just think it is just not fair

They got to know you but I didn’t get that chance

I don’t know the sound of your voice or laugh

I do know I was your last photograph.

People are always saying

That we look a lot alike

My great Pearl of wisdom

My great grandmother I loved

I miss you everyday

It still makes me cry when I think of you

And I can’t see you.

I still remember the fun times

I still know your face

I cannot forget you,

You are written in my soul

I miss our deep connection

Those moments I made you lucid

And you understood what was going on

And knew who was with you

The day we lost you

I lost a part of my heart that can never be replaced

My heart has been broken and been mended

But there is part of the jigsaw

Nowhere to be found.

You replaced that void that was taken

When we lost our dear Annie

I fear no one can replace

The void you have left behind

I hope you both are guiding me

To where I am meant to be

I hope you both will be at my wedding

Or the birth of any child of mine

If I actually get that chance

I want to feel you there.

What I would do to have you

Both back here with me

But knowing I have two angels

Looking down at me

Gives me some relief

When people ask me

Who would you like to have at your dinner party

Dead or alive?

I always answer

My grandmother and great grandmother

It would be my greatest wish

I love you now and forever

These feelings will never change

Please guide me to where I am meant to be

This is no goodbye

But a, I will see you again someday

But really you have never left me

You are always in my heart.               

 

Living with a Disability

There is nothing wrong with having a disability, I know because I have one. I have arthritis all over my body, I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and I am not ashamed of it. It is what it is, I can’t do anything about it, so why stress and worry about it?

Yes it gets hard really hard but it is my life and instead of getting depressed and letting it get the best of me I just get on with things the best I can and some days are a lot harder than other days. I am determined to not let it get the best of me.

You will find that we are all a lot stronger than you think we are. These conditions bring out the best and worst in people, but you will always find that they will work so hard to get some normal into their life and fight with every part of them.

I know some people look at you and feel sorry for you. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me I just want them to understand what it is like to be in this situation where you don’t have control of your own body, the pain that can’t be stopped by pain killers or medication.

There are so many of us around the world, and we need to be listened to, shown respect, understood and not treated differently. We are everyday people who just happened to have special needs and need help with things. We can’t always find work or we are not allowed to work for different reasons. We all have different levels of our disease and problems, some you can see and some you can never see unless we are having a bad relapse or a bad day.

Not every disability is noticeable for example MS, Cystic fibrosis, arthritis, Ehlers–Danlos syndrome EDS (known as Zebra disease), people with pacemakers or heart problems, Alzheimer’s disease, epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease and many many more. People don’t have to have a wheelchair, crutches or conditions like Down syndrome.

People need to start noticing those who are invisible and not think that if they are just parking in the disability parks to just get a closer carpark. With any one of those I mentioned you can have a great day were walking and getting around is a lot easier and there are days were we can barely walk, get around or even get out of bed. We all have our good and bad days ours are more noticeable. Yes there are some people who do that but I can assure you majority of them are in need to use them, you just can’t see it. I urge you all to stop and think about it when you decided to write a horrible note accusing them of doing the wrong thing. You never know any persons circumstance by second guessing and appearance alone.

Those who do not want to work and fake illnesses and just don’t want to look for work make it harder for us that need to get disability. It’s not fair on us, we would much prefer to be looking for work and out there doing things that everyday people do, we can to an extent but we would much prefer to have our bodies functioning like everyone else. Please stop making it hard for us who genuinely need the help and assistance.

I don’t think anyone can understand what it is actually like inside the body of someone who has a disease that is incurable, autoimmune, that you have no control over unless you have it. Our pain is unbearable at times, you can succumb to any infection, flu, cold and take months or weeks to overcome something that should be a week – five day thing.

My own experiences are losing grip of objects and dropping things, stiff all over, hip and back going out or into a spasm that can paralyze me from my hip down on one side or in cold water It can paralyze me on both legs from the pelvic area. Loss of concentration, weak, lack of sleep or constantly sleeping and tired. Even just doing simple house chores are hard to do, making my bed is hard and my back starts hurting very quickly when trying to clean my room and make my bed.  What should be simple tasks for everyone is not so easy for me or a lot of other people.

I personally take at least a month to overcome any cold or flu and a simple stomach bug can pull all my muscles and make it near impossible to stand up longer than a few minutes, I will not go into full detail but it does make having a stomach bug incredibly hard to deal with. Even showering I end up laying on the bottom of it because it’s hard to even stand up and shower.

I have one person that can massage me as I need it gentle I can’t go to anyone to get a massage. I am not allowed to see a chiropractor, physiotherapy doesn’t really work and I have even tried Bowen therapy that actually made my back go into spasm and I struggled to walk or straighten my back.

Please understand this next time you come across someone with a disability and give them a chance. Even if you know someone with a condition try and understand the condition and know how hard it is for them to function and live a normal life like you do.

I have to thank my parents for being so supportive, I know they don’t always understand my condition or what I am feeling at that time but they do give me some extra support and they are there for me when things get really bad and need some help. You always need a good support system that you can get help from. If you do need help don’t be afraid to ask for it. I am incredibly grateful to my parents I don’t know how I would be if I didn’t have you guys helping me and looking out for me. Thank you.